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02.06 – 02.12

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Life

Seems like colic is going to be a thing again. I’m hoping we’ll be better equipped to deal with it this time. Not really sure we will since there doesn’t really appear to be anything you can do (although I’ll definitely be more willing to throw money at any old bollocks that claims to help based on zero evidence). I suppose I have developed a higher tolerance for non-stop screaming over the last three years so hopefully that will come in handy. But the non-stop screaming definitely takes on a more visceral edge when it’s emanating from a newborn. Noise-cancelling headphones perhaps.

The boy is clearly in some emotional turmoil. It’s a lot for him to take in and it’s breaking my heart a little to see him wrestling with it all. He’s mostly being very sweet with the baby though. In any event, he’s getting a lot more telly and assorted treats than average. It’s entirely possible he’s gaming us for the mugs we are.

I can’t believe how big he seems all of a sudden. It’s like he’s a giant. Until he gets to nursery when he seems small again. Everything is relative.

Looking back, I hadn’t realised just how anxious, stressed, and borderline unstable I was when he was born as the world went into lockdown three years ago. It certainly wouldn’t have helped that he was our first. The time we’re having with baby girl feels like some atonement for all of that. That it’s not illegal to go for a walk, and that we can go to a coffee shop/pub definitely helps. And at the very least I’m spending the hours and hours we’re awake at night watching box-sets and reading for entertainment rather than doomscrolling through the latest Covid infection rates.

I didn’t drink while bae was preggo. I haven’t had a drink now she’s not. Now that it’s no longer something I’m doing ostensibly out of solidarity, I’m going to have to think about what I want to do long-term. I’m definitely not interested in being even the remotest bit hung over with a newborn/toddler combo (toddler alone was more than bad enough). I haven’t really felt like I’m missing anything and the thing I really don’t miss is wondering whether I’ve been drinking too much. I think I’ll see how I feel for a bit before making any rash decisions. Or maybe I don’t have to make any decisions. Anyhow, I’ve started eyeing up monthly kombucha subscriptions.

Listening

• The Trojan Horse Affair

Reading

• React Pays the Bills – a level-headed counterpoint to some recent trash-talk
• The case for frameworks – a rebuttal of recent trash-talk.
• ChatGPT is a blurry jpeg of the web

Running

I managed some hills Tuesday and Sunday (off watch), and a jaunt to Ally Pally on Friday. Physically I’m confident it went beyond ‘diminishing returns’ into ‘active harm’, but mentally it was a treat.